2003-05-09-3:14 p.m.
Friday, May 9

Sites of the Day
Teen Lingo from The Source for Youth Ministry
This is a section on a lame Baptist Youth Pastor site that instructs clueless Ned Flanderses on how to talk teen:

Are you down with the lingo that kids use today? Don't get caught using the old school words that just don't fly! Get up to date quick with Jonathan's Dictionary! READ BEFORE CHECKING OUT THIS PAGE: These words are used very differently by different teens around the world. Some of these words may have different meaning for teens in one area than another. But, this list only contains words actively used by mainstream teens today. You will not find "old school" or outdated terms* such as "bad" or "radical." So get out of your pegged 501s and check this out! WARNING: This teen lingo represents today's culture and many of the problems that go along with it. Although much of it is humorous, a good portion of it is very offensive. Many of the words are terms for sexual activity and drug use. Many of the examples given are common quotes from youth today- these quotes, although somewhat edited, can be foul or vile (sadly, all the below phrases can be said in a PG movie). I believe this dictionary has educational value in helping youth workers understand teen mentality and culture, but please do use discretion.

*This has been bothering me for years: you see, most of this "modern teen lingo" is "Old School." In fact, many of these terms can be heard in countless 1930's gangster movies and old-time radio shows, à la Damon Runyan. For example:

baller
n. Someone who flaunts money. "Check out that baller over there . . . let's jack his car!"

ballin
v. To flaunt money. To be noticeably rich. "Yo . . .check out his Mercedes . . . he is ballin!"

Teen Slang
bent
a skewed impression of reality. "You got me bent, I ain't like that."

Jazz Slang
bent: drunk

TS: blow
v. leave, get out of this place. "Let's blow this joint."

JS: blow:
(1) a crazy party (2) to leave

TS: bones
money. "Nah man, that's bootleg. I can't go to the movies, I ain't got no bones."

JS: bones: Dice

TS: bootleg
adj. Newer term to replace "ghetto". Something that is an imitation, cheap or of bad quality. "oooh, that Macaroni and cheese was bootleg!" (I think it also means illegally copied media - still. Not really slang.)
JS: bootleg: illegal liquor

2003-05-07-10:39 p.m.
Thursday, May 8
Thurday's DVD
SPOILER ALERT
Rashomon (1950)
From the commentary and introduction by Altman on the extras on the Criterion DVD, one would think this movie is about how everyone has his own reality, and every reality is as real as everyone else's.

I hope this is not what Kurosawa thinks himself, but I'm not yet sure.

The way I see it, stories are products of perspective. A camera can only show us so much in the context of an event. When that event involves three (perhaps four or more) persons inside a light-dappled bamboo forset far from the road, reality is yet a speculation. Personal perspective is more than one's eyes being the lens of a camera. The perspective, of the characters in Rashomon, include each person's past, needs, and, as they testify in court, the expectations of their community. The actual reality is not created by any of the characters. We may not see this reality, but it does exist. That does not necessarily mean that all the characters are wickedly lying, but, of course, they are acting selfishly.* It's what manner of selfishness that is discussed here.

I'm not entirely sure in what era the story is set, but I don't think it entirely matters. What is clear is that sex roles and rules of personal conduct are matters of life and death. This is made clear by the fact that each character claims to be The Murderer in order to protect his or her role (thus making a seemilngly selfless act entirely selfish. A man must be a man and a woman must be a woman. The characters (in telling their stories to an authority, at least), are almost automatons in carrying out these roles. For instance, the raped woman has lost her worth, and the husband and rapist, to redeem their manhoods, must fight to the death. The woman is appropriately tragic and doomed, and the men are valiant and brave - in their testimony. However, when circumstances force the men to act out their proper role, they not only break out of their robot suits and become human, they practically revert to the primates humans really are. That presents the question, "do these societal roles civilize us, or do they turn us into play-acting monkeys?"

*The funny thing is the film presents a "main theme" that seems almost inconsequential, or even a sort of red herring: are men merely selfish liars, dooming us all? Was the "redemption" scene tacked on to give us a hopeful ending? I guess I'll have to think about this awhile. What I do think is that the very nature of selfishness is misunderstood by even the greatest of film directors.

Now Playing
Equal Time for Freethought is a real radio show on a real radio station in New York, WBAI, 99.5 FM. Guests have included Michael Shermer, Paul Kurz, Richard Dawkins, Dan Barker, Michael Newdow, Barbara Ehrenreich, Ellen Johnson, and Ron Barrier. Such luminaries! There are currently 16 shows in the archive, and a new show every Sunday at 6:30, Eastern Daylight.

What is Freethought? This is a term used to encompass several ways of thinking or living that are, in essence, non-religious. Freethinkers would include Atheists, Agnostics, Skeptics, Rationalists, and Humanists of several varieties. Many in the Freethought community are committed to human rights and an ethical / moral life-stance that is secular --- not relying on religious dogmas or deities. And many are committed to a viewpoint of scientific naturalism and free inquiry into supernatural claims. These views and approaches to life are shared by a sizable and growing minority of Americans, but are largely excluded from the mainstream, corporate media. Equal Time is sorely needed! Just as WBAI stands in a proud tradition of progressive dissent from the mainstream corporate political system, this show stands in dissent from the mainstream society, which is dominated today by supernaturalism and religious or "faith-based" views. In fact, many of us believe that a vital part of achieving social progress will be freeing humanity from superstition and supernatural beliefs. We plan to explore and represent the richly varied concerns of the Freethought community here in the New York City area and beyond.

2003-05-07-3:00 p.m.
Wednesday, May 7
Sites of the Day
The Stained Apron

This is one of those "customers from hell" sites I love so much. I worked in the service industry every year I was not in school, and then some.

Something happens to people when they are being served. They see their chance to be the "betters" over someone else, and they milk it for all it's worth. These people (not all, of course, just a whole hell of a lot) feel that they are paying, not only for service, but for their chance to buy superiority. These people, if they lived in feudal times and owned land, would not hesitate to beat their servants because, after all, isn't that what they're supposed to do?

Every time I encounter these idiots as their server, I feel as if I've stepped into a timewarp to a place that may have never existed except on some screen in the 1930's or 40's. I wish I could ask people to watch more Katherine Hepburn and less Bette Davis, but they wouldn't understand. They just go about their business of supervising "my girl." Yes, I have been called "my girl" on more than one occasion, when I cleaned houses.

One maddening thing I read in this site: the hate mail. Many, many complainers write in and say, "If you hate waiting table so much, get a college degree/GED and get a higher-paying job." Oh, the miracle of the job market in the USA. If I had only known, that when one receives a diploma, one is immediately handed a great job, I wouldn't be in this mess....wait a minute. I have a college degree. For that matter, so do most of my coworkers! How'd that happen?!?

Dedicated to the venting of food servers' frustrations and a harsh education of the dining public! The rodeo or some arts fair was in town filling us to the brim with total white trash or "RFN's" as we call them (Running For Nothing). A man in his forties brings three little rugrats in with him. His service is good considering we were juiced, every table full, the bar standing room only and fifty or more people waiting in the lobby. This guy's server asks if I'll go talk to this table. So I go over, introduce myself, and ask if there is a problem. The father, wearing a "Don't mess with Texas" shirt with the sleeves ripped off, says that a cockroach the size of his hand walked across the table in the middle of his meal and he's not paying. (Note: All four plates are spotless and are being cleared as we are talking and dessert is also arriving.) I ask him where it went and he says he doesn't know, but he isn't paying. I tell him that I will do something about it just to humor him. I find the owner in the back talking to, of all people, the exterminator, who was checking the spider traps in our basement (spiders being the only pest we have in this area). I ask the exterminator if there are any cockroaches in this area. He said, "With the exception of the shitty parts of Denver, I've never seen a cockroach in Colorado." So I ask, "Could a cockroach get to be the size of your hand here?" He laughs. "At this altitude, if they could survive the cold, they would be about the size of your thumbnail." I thank him and go back to the table. "Sir," I say to Captain White Trash, "I'm sorry, but I just learned that at 7,500 feet above sea level cockroaches wouldn't be any bigger than your thumbnail." He looks shocked. "I didn't say cockroach, I said rat. It was a rat the size of my hand, not including the tail." "Did it have a furry tail?" I ask. "Of course not, rats don't have furry tails." (Squirrels have been known to run into my restaurant, thus the furry tail question.) "Well sir, I think you need to pay your bill and leave my restaurant," I say quite calmly. "What? A rat walked across my table," he shouts peaking everyone's interest. "This place is unsanitary and I'm sorry I came in here." I look to my host and give him a nod. He calls the police as this sort of thing happens a lot. "We don't have rats here either," I say. "You are just trying to get a free meal and it isn't happening." "I want to speak to your manager." "Do you realize that in Colorado, non-payment of a restaurant check is considered a felony. It's called defrauding an innkeeper." "I demand to speak to your manager." A huge figure looms in my peripheral vision. "What's the problem here?" It's a sergeant from the police station (which is across the street). "This man doesn't want to pay for his meal because rats and cockroaches the size of his hand have been running across his table." The cop leans down. "We don't have cockroaches or rats here. Unless you want to spend the night in jail, pay the bill." The man throws some cash on the table and storms out, kids in tow. At the door he stops and shouts, "I'm never coming back here again." I say, "Good, we don't want your business." Half the tables in the dining room begin applauding.

RAYMONDO'S DANCE-O-RAMA

I'm your host Raymondo. For years I've been a collector of esoteric vinyl records. I first became interested in oddball records in the late 70s. I was working in a large record store, and we would get loads of bizarre stuff. The store was referred to as a "deep catalog" outlet. That meant if it was in print we stocked it. I can't begin to tell you the crazy nutty stuff that would come through, but the exposure warped me for life and today I scour thrift stores and yard sales hoping to find just the right piece of obscure vinyl. Since I've picked up quite a few oddball records over the years, I've decided to try and present them online in a manner that some may find entertaining.

There's a lot of great stuff to listen to here! What I wouldn't give for a copy of The Electric Latin Love Machine, an album of traditional latin hits like The Peanut Vendor played on Moog! Wow. That's all I can say. What a great collection.

Now Playing
Exploitika Radio

"Cinegroovin': the finest sleazy listening, loungecore, crimejazz, funk and groovy beats from the soundtracks of 60's & 70's cult movies!"

On the playlist: Giu' la Testa by Ennio Morricone (one of my favorite movie soundtracks of all time), music from Rudd Meyer movies, Vampyros Lesbos Sexadelic Dance Party (excellent) by Manfred Hubler & Siegfried Schwab, and Beat at Cinecitta Vol 1, which has been on my Amazon Wish-List since last year.

2003-05-06-7:53 p.m.
Tuesday May 6
Tuesday's DVD
The Adventures of Bob and Doug McKenzie: Strange Brew
Dumbest movie ever, which is not a bad thing. It's based on Hamlet, wherein the brothers play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Max von Sydow is excellent, and there's a lot of hockey and other Canadian stuff. That Angus MacInnes did such a good job playing the Montreal Canadien, that I forgot I'd seen him a million times as a character actor before, such as one of those orange jumpsuit guys in Star Wars.

As one would expect, the movie (and character franchise) has generated a few websites:

Strange Brew: The Bob and Doug McKenzie Website, Bob and Doug.com, You Hoser.com, Kanadian Korner: The Unofficial Guide to Bob and Doug McKenzie, The Hoser, Bob and Doug's newspaper, and also a page on a homebrewing site, Mr. Goodbeer. My favorite, though, is a strange site, Bob & Doug McKenzie: Teachers of Nationalism

One can't help but agree that our national anthem, O Canada, is a nationalistic symbol. School children all over the country stand every morning for our national song. Starting a hockey game without it would be blasphemous. It is a symbol of unity and pride; our "home and native land", the "true north strong and free", and standing "on guard for thee" are lyrics we all can remember from our schooldays as young Canadians. What would have happened if our beloved anthem had been removed from the schools? Would it be the end of national pride and the beginning of social anarchy? Bob and Doug do just this in School Announcements; they take away O Canada from the school system and replace it with their theme. For those who aren't familiar with the McKenzie call, it is a brief tune, consisting of the sounds "coo" and "loo". There are no words to it. The replacement of the anthem with their infamous "call" is a symbolic action of eliminating the national anthem; in this case, Bob and Doug replace O Canada with a "song" that represents their nationalistic view, one that consists of stereotypes. In School Announcements, Doug instructs the students to stand up and sing, in unison, the "McKenzie call". They then instruct the students to run outside; smokes will be handed out, Bob tells them. Doug invites them to his office where they can "have a beer and talk". As in the case of their clothing and beer-drinking stereotypes, the Bob & Doug "School of Nationalism" is one that puts these stereotypes front and centre; they are viewed as something that bring us together, rather than something to be looked at negatively.

Now Playing
Radio Dismuke

Discover the exciting music from one of the most vibrant decades in popular culture and entertainment. From the boom times of the "Roaring '20s" to the hard times of the Great Depression...from frantic Charlestons danced to by a generation of flappers to sentimental ballads performed by the early crooners...from the hot jazz bands of the top Harlem nightclubs to the popular dance bands of the formative years of the swing and big band eras, the great music of the 1920s & 1930s lives on and is entertaining a new generation of enthusiastic listeners. Radio Dismuke features original recordings from the 1925 - 1935 decade and can be heard at no cost from anywhere in the world by anyone with an Internet conection and a sound card equipped computer.

Sites of the Day
Dumb Warnings
You just know someone, somewhere, used Hair Coloring as an ice cream topping and sued. It's the end of civilization, folks. Anyway, this Engrish is too good to be believed:

Kids' Ideas About Science "Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand." "While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating." "Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south." "There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever." "There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days." "Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils, while others preferred to be oil." "Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't why you should." "Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there." "I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing." "Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do." "Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does." "Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail." "Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man." "The wind is like the air, only pushier." "A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size." "A monsoon is a French gentleman." "Thunder is a rich source of loudness." "Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound." "It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places." "Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime." "Some oxygen molecules help fires burn, while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother." "Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers."

2003-05-05-9:01 a.m.
Monday, May 5
In Today's News
Isn't this how it starts in chapter II of all the comic books?

Caped crusader saves the day in English town LONDON, England (Reuters) -- A masked and caped do-gooder has been sweeping through an English town, performing good deeds and scattering terrified bad guys, a local newspaper reported on Friday. The Kent and Sussex Courier said it had received letters from "stunned residents" of the town of Tunbridge Wells, southeast of London, who saw the man in a brown mask and cape scare off hooligans and return a woman's dropped purse. "To my great surprise," the paper quoted 21-year-old psychology student Ellen Neville as saying, "a masked man wearing a brown cape rushed past me to assist a woman who was having a bother with a group of youths. "He swept in, broke up the commotion and ran off, leaving myself and the woman in a state of shock," she said. A man wrote to say he was being chased by some youths when the hero appeared and "shocked the gang so much they ran off." Another woman wrote to say the crusader had tapped her on her shoulder to return her purse. "If only there were more people around with this kind-hearted spirit," she said.

Well, this would be just like comic books, with one exception: in the comics, this news would be on the front page, not in the weird or offbeat news section. That makes me kind of sad. I guess Superman would want it that way.

Site of the Day
Happy Woman Magazine: We Think so You Don't Have to!
Happy Woman is a parody site of those inane women's mags that give all sorts of helpful tips on dieting and being, IDunno, accessorized properly. As it says on the site, "Please Note: This site is a parody of women's magazines so don't come crying to us if someone took out your liver by accident or you starved to death on one of our diets." My favorite section is Jenna's Diary, a journal by a truly awful, and thankfully fictional, woman.

Jenny was shocked when I told her about Irene's drinking problem. She said that she'd talked to her about a week ago and she sounded find and we marveled at how cunning drunks can be. Jenny's a little ticked off at Irene because she asked her if she'd watch Tyler while she and Brian went away for the weekend. Jenny thought it would be a nice chance for Tyler to get to know his Godmother and thought Irene would be flattered but she said no! I said it was probably for the best because I'd seen some movie with Susan Hayward or Rita Hayworth or Katherine Hepburn and I told Jenny about a scene where the lead character got loaded and burned the house down with the kid in it. I asked Jenny if she could imagine coming home and her kid is all BBQ'd while Irene staggers around the front lawn in a peignoir holding a cocktail going "Whassss goin on?" I was just getting into the story when Jenny told me to stop. We talked for a bit about Irene's general irresponsibility and then Jenny brought up the party she'd had a few years ago. "Oh, God Jenna do you remember what she did? She broke my glass coffee table because she was offering people piggyback rides to the bathroom, tried to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat in rounds by herself and then she said she was going to catch a cab. She walked out hopped into the front porch swing shouted out her address and passed out. When I woke her up the next morning she gave me ten bucks told me to keep the change and then threw up on the lawn!" I told Jenny I remembered. I didn't tell her that it wasn't Irene who did all those things it was me.